Hello lovely Ladies. I have a sensitive topic to chat about today that is so very critical to our overall well-being. Unforgiveness- a little sneak that creeps into our lives in the most unsuspecting way. Often it wreaks havoc and we never have a clue what the true root of our problems are. We have all been through our share of pain, humiliation, rejection, betrayal or some other form of hurt induced by other individuals. And if we were completely honest we’d each have to agree to having done our own share of hurting others as well. It’s an unavoidable occurrence. For this reason forgiveness plays a major role in life. So, let’s talk about it.
What Forgiveness Really Is
Sometimes we may say we have forgiven someone when we really haven’t. The definition of forgiveness is to no longer hold an offense or fault against someone and to let go of any anger towards them. It also means to pardon or let an offense pass without punishment or disfavor. It is a selfless act because when we forgive someone for a wrong against us we are showing that person mercy. We are not seeking vengeance or mistreating them.
You can use this definition to help determine
if you have truly forgiven someone or not. Now, that we’re on the same page let’s move on to the three areas most impacted when we choose not to forgive.
3 Crucial Areas Impacted by Unforgiveness
God requires us to forgive others. Why? Because He is a forgiving God who shows us mercy each and everyday. Yes, even when we sin, disobey and take no regard for Him. (Daniel 9:9). We can’t expect for our wrongs not to be held against us and not be willing to do the same for another. In other words, for God to forgive our sins we must forgive those who wrong us as well. (Matthew 6:14-15)
It also separates us from God. Acting in a way that displeases Him creates a barrier. We have to get things that are not right in our life on track so our relationship with God won’t be hindered. Unforgiveness pulls us out of His will and we’ll feel this within ourselves causing us to feel unpleasing. It is more about our own spiritual growth and pleasing God by showing love to others.
Hurts Our Health
Unforgiveness is comprised of anger, a judgmental attitude, hatred (absence of love), and mercilessness and it continues for an extended period of time. It has a direct affect on the body hindering physical and mental health. This includes causing depression, stress and high blood pressure. Studies show that these problems show up emotionally, in self esteem, on the skin and even in the digestive system.
The list of consequences goes on. Chronic anger will be visible in your behavior and in your attitude towards others. God did not create us to thrive on negative feelings. So when we harbor these harmful emotions our minds and bodies suffer.
If we fail to forgive then wedges are driven in between the relationships we value the most. There are family members who have carried grudges to the grave; never having reconciled with their brother, mother, sister, or child. Marriages have been destroyed because of this circumstance. In these instances neither person was merciful enough to repair the relationship, even after many years. Unfortunately many relationships have fallen victim to the venom spewed by unforgiveness. We have to be proactive and stop it from seeping in poisoning our relationships too.
Forgiving Benefits You The Most
Pardoning the faults of others allows us to have more peace within. We no longer mull over thoughts that cause pain and ill feelings to resurface. We’re able to live each day without anger festering within our hearts. It also benefits us by allowing us to move forward and heal from the hurt. Behavior therapists and psychoanalysts both recognize that an important component of healing is forgiveness. (In some facilities it is also used therapeutically to treat cancer patients. Amazing.). It is impossible for there to be true healing and anger at the same time.
It’s a Choice
Forgiveness is not magical and no one can make you do it. I have had my own experience with the difficulty of forgiving others, and know that it isn’t always easy. I recommend you first pray and ask God to soften your heart and help you to obey Him. Understand that forgiving someone doesn’t mean you have to maintain a relationship with them. It also does not mean they have to apologize to you. (Do I need to repeat that? Oh, you got it? Ya sure? Good!).
Ask yourself these questions. How many people have you hurt? Have they all forgiven you? Did you apologize to each one? We have no way of knowing for sure. The point is that those who wrong us are imperfect beings just as we are. What right have we to hold faults against another as if we are perfect and never offend? So ladies, let’s work hard hard to always be forgiving. Allow yourself to come to a place of true forgiveness and closure where you can continue with a happier, healthier life despite emotional hurt. There, painful memories of the past have no bearing on your present or future.